Berean Journeymen

What an awesome sermon today by Pastor Nate. I thought to myself how awesome our God is and the way that He uses our Pastors. Pastor Nate is truly blessed because there are not many pastors who can specialize in children and youth ministries; To teach and train-up children every day, then turn around, and teach the grown-ups… Awesome!

In my life, moreover the past two years, God has been making subtle changes in me and it’s been amazing. Even though they are subtle, when I look back at my life and see the whole picture… It is spectacular. Reflecting on Pastor Nate’s message today reminded me how at times we (okay actually I, it just makes me feel better to include other people J) take for granted or miss out on God truly speaking to us.

I was born in 1978 and I wasn’t saved until 2002. In that time span of my life… YIKES. God spoke to me a lot and I refused to listen. Not only did I refuse to listen but also I hated God. I blamed him for what I thought was missed chances. It was His fault for all my problems in life. I know now since being saved, it was only Him trying to reach out and speak to me.

In 2 Corinthians 5:17 the Apostle Paul tells us, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” In the eyes of God, I was a new creation, like a little baby, I needed to be trained up.

In my walk with the Lord, since 2002, just like a little baby, I have learned to walk and not stumble (1 Corinthians 3:1). It has been a growth process but I didn’t see it that way when I was first saved, I was expecting a “spectacular” moment. I thought things would be easy going and fun loving. I was a new creation spiritually but still a human raised in the flesh, “Abba” God, now had to “train me up”.

In my brief six years walking with Christ, I have fallen so many times (not to mention do some really stupid things) but I have always had Christ there to pick me back up and encourage me to grow more. I have conquered alcoholism, a raging and destructive temper, a piercing tongue (still growing there), adultery and sexual addiction (including pornography), and the list could go on and on.

My whole point is not gaining “kudos” from others; it is to show you that God, daily, changes me and guides me. To me, it is a subtle change but to look back and see the whole picture, it’s a spectacular change. More recently in my life (within the past 8- 12 months) I have become more blessed by Christ in my obedience by listening to Him speak to me.

We all experience God talking to us and yes, God does talk to each one of us. However, many times we are not listening. We are so busy complaining or whining to Him that we miss Him speaking to us. Were so busy shouting that He can’t get over our voices (well, actually He can let me testify some more :)

To understand were I am going with this you need to read Genesis 32:22-32. See, for the past three years, I have been wrestling with God. God has been leading me into a life of ministry counseling and I have been disobedient in listening to Him. I am a certified police officer, firefighter and paramedic. I love(d) the job and the glory (pride) and I was great at it (ego).

In my career as a full time firefighter, my back was put through a vast amount of stress. In 2003, I was injured in the police academy and displaced one of my lower lumbar vertebrae. In 2006, I again injured my back in the same spot and was off work for several months. I was told then that I would not be able to return to public safety work, but me being the stubborn one said I will prove them wrong!

In February of this year, I was involved in an incident on duty while working on the Medic and seriously injured my lower back again and medically not been allowed to return to work. I have been told I will not be permitted to return to public safety and let me tell ya, there is no stubbornness this time!

I have wrestled with God for several years now and the match has become more intense this past year until God said, “Okay, enough is enough. You don’t want to listen to Me?” Then He touched my back with His finger and now He has my full attention.

In the past three months, I have had to rely only on God and him alone. I have and continue to suffer physically but I refuse to suffer spiritually anymore. See, I took a stance and I listened to God three months ago and He hasn’t stopped speaking to me since.

God speaks to me daily in his Living Word. He speaks to me through pastors, professors, godly friends and circumstances. It wasn’t until I became submissive to Him as well as obedient to His ways and not mine (Isaiah 55:9) that things became clear as day. My life is so clear when I am obedient to His will in my life and that, is to serve Him.

God couldn’t have used a “spectacular moment” in my life because he knew I wouldn’t change. He had to use subtle things to make me and allow me to understand. I am by no means out of the woods yet and I have a long road to go but I praise God daily for allowing me to walk with Him and I thank him for the time of having to carry me.

I walk in life with Christ daily, see subtle things, and hear him say things to me and I wonder, why? I think, “That makes no sense”, then He let’s me see the “big picture” and it is just overwhelming and amazing what He is doing in my life!

I can see a daily, I will even go as far to say hourly, difference in my life when Christ isn’t the center focus. If I am not reading His Word daily, praying, taking every thought captive to His obedience and humbly submitting myself to Him… I see and feel Satan start to creep up on me. I start giving into those fleshly desires.

God is still working in my life (Hallelujah) and I stumble every once and a while but not like I did before. Every time it gets a little easier and less frequent between trips. I know now, when I can’t hear God talking to me, it’s time to re-evaluate things and do a moral inventory of myself because 99.9% of the time, it’s because I am not listening in obedience as a child of God.

To this day, I am still struggling with letting go of my title of police officer. It is a pride issue but God is working on me and I am starting to come to peace with it. You would think after a testimony like that, it would be easier but, the flesh…

In three months time, God has miraculously healed my marriage and divorce and separation are not an option as we continue to work through it. God has opened the door and made a way for me to finish college by June of next year. I will then have my BA in Biblical counseling and then start on my Masters degree in family or pastoral counseling.

I feel God is leading me into ministry counseling and chaplaincy. It is clear on the counseling but I still struggle with fear about being a chaplain. I have a fear of pride. I have stubborn pride and struggle letting go of being a police officer.

My point of this whole novel… Through subtle changes, God has healed me spiritually and taught me how to be obedient and content in life (easier said then done). As any child though, I still face struggles daily but this time I know (and hear) my Fathers voice!

I hope this brings insight and blessing somehow in your life. God has laid this on my heart and I humbly share this brief and abbreviated testimony with you. Somehow, this will be used to affirm someone’s thoughts and glorify God’s kingdom.

May all the praise, honor and glory be given to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.